Goals

May 5: 103.5 lbs
May 12: 101 lbs.
May 19: 99.5 lbs.
May 26: 98 lbs.
June 2: 96.5 lbs.
June 9: 95 lbs.
June 16: 94 lbs.

Starting this week, I'll always fast from Sunday evening to Wednesday morning. From there, I'll never exceed 300 calories per day. I will adjust this fasting schedule as I see fit, of course, and hopefully I'll go beyond my goals. :)

"You've Been Looking Thin Lately"

Alrighty!

 My friends still haven't said anything, but my English teacher said to me, "You've been looking thin lately... all good?" And of course, I said that everything was working out great. :)

Now I weigh in at 103.2 (BMI 17.05), which isn't great but isn't bad either. Today I had 10 calories (6 raspberries and a vitamin gummy) because I'm having a mini little picnic tomorrow, and I need to get below 103 pounds by Monday morning. Personally, I'm really disappointed with my weight loss this week.

I've been noticing this pattern in my weight loss; let me break it down.

Week 1: Ate 4,700 cal, lost 2.1 lbs.

Week 2: Ate 9,000 cal, gained .2 lbs.

Week 3: Ate 5,815 cal, stayed.

Week 4: Ate 6,675 cal, lost 2 lbs.

Week 5: Ate 3,255 cal, lost 5 lbs.

...and this week?

So far I've had 1,660, and only saw 1.5 lbs lost. How is it that I can eat 3,250 cal in a week and lost 5 whole pounds, even eat 6,675 in a week and lose 2 lbs, yet I eat only 1,660 and lose almost nothing? 

This is just unfair. 

Miraculously, though, I've lost (roughly) 16 pounds since the end of March (39 days ago), and I'm not quite proud of that either. Sure, it's great that I've lost weight, but I could've lost so much more if only I had more self control. My goal is to be below 95 by fathers day (June 16), which is perfectly reasonable if I even lose just 2 pounds a week. I'm sure that I could reach 90, if I really tried, but god, I'm so scared. I'm so scared of losing control. I don't want to repeat these past few weeks.

On another note, I've been walking for an hour each day lately and I've kinda started jogs! I need proper shoes but jogging is actually really fun when I bring some dogs with me.

Edit: This week, I lost 2.5 (?) pounds, thanks to fasting, laxatives, and Chet Baker :)

Laxatives? We'll See.

Yeah, so I'm planning on trying out laxatives, seeing how they work.

I ordered some yesterday, and they're due in the mail tomorrow. I've been looking for tips and tricks online, and here's what I gather:

1.) Take ONE on your first time.
2.) Take it an hour before going to bed.
3.) Drink a lotta water on the day of taking.
4.) Don't take laxatives on consecutive days.
5.) Don't have anything planned with other people that day.
6.) Seriously. Like, no more than one or two a month. These guys can cause damage.

Honestly? I'm just gonna try one pill and see if it works out. This is kinda gross, so I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna use the pill unless I really binge. For the most part, I think I'm just gonna hide the pills somewhere in my room.

On another note, today I had an apple, a banana, 10 almonds, and 1/2 cup of soup. I think that it doesn't exceed 440 calories, but I still gained weight today :(
This morning, I woke up at 104.6, but now I'm 105. I think that I drank more water than usual, but it also might be because my scale got caught on something. It occasionally does that and gets my hopes up haha

How I See It

"I'm hungry."
Ghandi lived for 21 days without food, once.
Are you really hungry?
Would you want to get fat?

"We have that food that will go expired soon. I should eat it."
It'll go to waste in the toilet anyways.
Someone else will eat it.

"I'm bored."
Watch videos of other people eating.
Watch that show about obese people.

Thinspo Post #1: Pictures

This one is kinda poorly worded, but you get the idea haha

I actually really like this... I plan on recreating my own version later :)