I wake up at 5:30. Ugh. It's summer break, but I'm still so used to waking up early that waking early only comes naturally. Yesterday, I had 95 calories, but I drank so much tea that I gained weight- so I took a laxative.
It's 6:45 now, and the laxative still hasn't kicked in. Maybe it'll kick in at 8:00 or 10:00, but for now, I need to go on my morning jog before it's too late. Before leaving, I pee and weigh; it's a morning ritual. I went from 96.2 to 95.4 pounds. Good. I start my morning exercise- 20 squats, 10 push-ups, 20 bicycle crunches, 20 crunches, 10 more push-ups, and I stretch. Then, I put on something more warm and go for my jog, which lasts 10 minutes. I still need to build my endurance.
Each week, I make an eating plan. Today was nothing, so when I get back home, I decide to eat nothing. I hang out for a few more hours, playing games on my computer and phone, and then the laxatives kick in around 11:00. Oh no.
I rush to the bathroom and it hurts. However, I thankfully now weigh 94.6 pounds. Good. Almost 1.5 pounds off from last night. 4 pounds off from last week- I haven't had progress like this since I weighed 115 pounds.
I go back to my room to resume my game, but when I get to my room, I rush back to the bathroom. And I weigh again. 94.4. Good.
Then, I remember that I have a doctor's appointment, and I chug a lot of water and fizzy water, because I want to hide my weight from my dad. The doctors will show my weight to him, and I'll have to hide it, no matter much I'd like to keep my weight down.
I get nervous now, it's 2:30 and my stomach still hasn't settled. I rush to the bathroom, and check. 94.8. Whatever, it's expected from liquids. I'll drink more before leaving, and hope to pee it all out by tonight. I hoped to be at 94.2 tonight, but what can you do?
Before leaving, I throw on some heavy clothes, and weigh. 101 pounds, which should work. I toss something heavy into my pockets, and hope that it'll be enough to hide my weight.
In the clinic, they weigh me at 101.2, and my dad asks my weight from our last visit- nearly a month ago. I tell him 115, and he goes off on food. God, he's such an idiot. I went vegan for the purpose of weight loss instead of ethics, and he thinks I don't know the effects of my diet.
He lectures me on food and alienates me for my choices. And he lectures me, getting all of his facts wrong. He thinks that processed ground beef has more nutrients and vitamins than a dish of tofu, spinach, and tomato! He doesn't realize that the issue isn't what I eat; he doesn't realize that I just go so many days without eating.
I get my blood lab results back; a TIBC deficiency, an indicator of malnutrition. Nothing too bad. I drive us home.
I feel guilty for not exercising more today, but I know that I'll be home alone tonight, which leaves me all the time I need for exercising and walking. I still feel the effects of the laxative. Wow! I only took one, around 18 hours ago (it is now 4:45) and I still feel it. Maybe laxatives get stronger with lower weight?
Tomorrow I've planned an apple and boiled cabbage for the day, roughly 95 calories, but I'm still not so sure on that. If I weigh less than 94.4 tonight, then I'll eat tomorrow. If I don't meet that and instead weigh less than 94.4 by tomorrow morning, then I'll allow myself an apple tomorrow. If I weigh more than 94.4 both tonight and tomorrow morning, then my fast will extend into tomorrow and I'll eat on Sunday.
I left for a walk around 5:50. I just got back; it's 7:00. I'll take a shower and weigh myself. I weighed 94.6, but that can probably still go down before I go to bed. I'm cold and it is difficult to raise my arms; I still haven't done my nightly workout. I need to do that right now- it is 7:45.
Tomorrow, maybe instead of an apple, I'll steam some carrot and spinach, and maybe add some cauliflower. It should actually be lower in calories than an apple, but that is to say if I choose to eat at all.
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