Some really nice foods :) (tangent)

Just a sidenote for today-

Jicama is really good. 38 cal for 100g, and is high in fiber. This is a good jicama tortilla recipe.
Navy beans are only 67 cal for 100g (raw), and they contain lots of fiber and iron.
Tofu is just great. At 76 cal for 100g, they're super good for sandwiches. Plus, they're also processed into cheese, which makes me happy :)
Shirataki noodles. Oh my god. They're so good, they're super low cal (0-10 cal per serving) and they're high fiber. I really want to eat them, but I'm scared because they're so dense (contain a lot of water) and I fear that if I eat them, the scale would lie to me. Also, my dad complains whenever I want food at the store, so getting them is hard.

Do you know what this means? Fried noodles with jicama, tofu, and navy beans. I think that I can just fry them in soy sauce (because who needs the calories in oil!) and they'll be just perfect. I think that, for the process, I'll marinate the tofu beforehand... I'll chop the jicama and boil it with the beans and noodles, then transfer my concoction to a pan in order to fry it- maybe slice up some spinach and add to the frying mix? And then I'll serve the noodles, and use the same pan to heat up the tofu a bit. I've never cooked tofu before, so I'll have to see how this goes. My main worry is getting the ingredients (as I mentioned before, my dad hates it when I get food!) so I'll probably have to walk to the store...

I'm,,, going a bit crazy. When I fast, I always fantasize my next meal, almost as if I'm some sort of prison inmate that's choosing my last supper. In a week (specifically this week), I get like, one or two meals spread out over 3 days. Eating is rare, so I always want to make it as good as possible. However, at this point, I think that I just don't get hungry any more. Last time I fasted, I went 3 days without feeling hungry at all. At this point, I feel sick when I talk about food... Is this good or bad? What if this spirals out of control? What if I never enjoy a meal in my life? I'm never hungry, and the thought of eating makes me sick... sweets are disgusting... meats are bad for the environment... I'm only safe with veggies, but I'm so picky with how I prepare them, and my schedule hardly allows me to eat, too.

My schedule: breakfast @ 5:10 am, if I feel like it. Lunch/dinner has to be between 1-4:30, and I refuse to eat a meal within an hour of finishing my previous one.

I also take forever to eat, so I just... I guess that this is ideal. Yeah, now it's impossible to eat, so I should see even more results. My rules are everything now. I control myself, and the rules control me. If my body refuses to eat, I follow the rules, and if I break the rules, then I take laxatives and fast. Food is scary. Don't eat.