This is a Vent

I'm not an emotional person at all, yet here I am, on the verge of tears. Why?

I wanted to go to Yogurtini. I mean, I am very adamant on fasting from tomorrow (Friday) to at least Monday, or maybe Tuesday. I wanted to go to Yogurtini to get a simple vegan 100 cal treat, but I also refuse to eat after 5 (because of metabolism, duh). My dad was willing to take me after doing yard work, which I had no issue with. If I ate at 5:30, it would be okay because I'll make up for it by fasting for like 4-5 days... But my dad was finally ready to leave at 5:30, which was a no-go for me.

I guess that I'm crying because I almost broke the rule. Well, I didn't even get dressed to go, but maybe I'm upset because nobody else understands the rule? I don't know anymore.

With that, the last time I ate was around 4:10 on Thursday, May 9th. This week I've had 620 calories, so I think that it counts as a win.

On Saturday, I went to bed (after binging) and weighed 104; now I weigh 101.2, last I checked. I'm sure I'll be below 100.5 by the end of Sunday, so this week puts me ahead of the game.

Also, my mom somehow knows how much I eat? My whole family is concerned about how much I eat, which is odd because they don't even know whether I've lost or gained weight. They haven't seen me in forever. But, my family is concerned that I'm some starving kid in Ethiopia and my mom made me get this app (My Fitnesspal) to track what I eat in a day, and hopefully get me to eat more... unfortunately, I'm using it for the exact opposite :)

The app is actually really good, it is really accurate with calorie counts and it has one of those "search and select" features, which is really good compared with what I used to do (google "amount of calories in [food]" and write it in my journal.) Hopefully I continue to use my journal in co-ordinance with this app.

Alright, I'm out of space. Vent officially over.

Edit: I'm already at 100.8 pounds (might go up when I drink something), but I'm kinda shaky now about fasting. My mom just called and she was really concerned about how much I eat, which kinda made me sad :(

I think that I might have a sandwich or something small each day for this weekend, but I dunno. I don't want to eat, and she wants me to. I'm kinda at a loss, but I really want to fast. I think that the next time I eat, it'll be something really good and nutritious. Just for her.