The Year is Ending???

Well, I'm waiting for points to add up on Cookie Clicker, so I might as well use this time to post.

A lot of my friends are starting to say bye to me as summer begins because I'm moving away... 4 days left to say bye. 4 days until I stop seeing the faces of these people that I hold close to my heart. Hopefully, I might spend a few days with the more beloved of them during the summer, but there are some people that I really can't bear to take myself from.

Tonight, I talked to my dad a bit. I said something along the lines of "huh, today's the 15th. Hmm... in the past month, I've lost, like, 16 pounds." My dad was kinda shocked (I say that he can lose the weight more than me!), but in reality,  16 pounds isn't a lot for someone like me to lose. According to some calculators online, I still have like 10 pounds of fat on my body, and I'm gonna aim to lose it (half of it haha).

But with school ending, my mood is a lot brighter. I've been reading a lot, which helps, too. More gum, more books, more music. Everything that makes me happy- boom. But now, I feel like I'm losing my drive because of this darned cold. I'm less motivated to get up and move, which isn't good. No moving = no burnt calories, which isn't good.

But as I'm tearing up, thinking about all of the people that I'll grow distant to, I feel this unimaginable glee every single time I consider the environment I'll be in once I move.

In this house, I'm an alien to my own family. I'm treated as weird for trying literally anything, and I'm surrounded by these immature and retarded (wo)man-childs that can't take care of themselves and complain when I treat them like the children they are. They aren't interesting, and don't offer anything... anything that I consider valuable, I guess. Not bad people, but not valuable people. Not people that I enjoy being around. My mom? I regret not spending time with her. Last time I saw her, it was only for 2 days around my birthday. I  feel like I bothered her a lot, just by being around, so I kinda isolated myself. But I wish I was more selfish at that time. I wish I went back with her and left this behind.

But now I fear that when I go away, nothing will change. What if I'm still just me? what if i still lack value? I want everyone to just... not change their perception, because that's asking for too much. I just want people to enjoy being around me more. I miss the touch of another human being, as creepy and weird as that sounds. I want to hug my friends, and I never want to leave them. I know that I'm being cliche, but I miss the idea of caring for people and I miss having a family. For all I know, I'm going to miss it- my friends are my family, and I can never replace them. No matter how popular and likable I become, there are just some people that can't be replaced.

But now one of my best buds are messaging me. And they won't know that I'm crying, and they won't know how much I love them

none of them will how much i value them, and i don't know if i should change that ?